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DLF 大龍鳳

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DLF 泛指「大龍鳳」
Da Loan Fung 的簡稱。

Dung Da Lun Dung Dung 🎵🎼🎶🎧🎼🎶🎵

講到粵劇大龍鳳,可謂家傳互曉。在輔導室裏,我碰過林林種種的家庭衝突(小、中、大型),別有一番體會。

見過那麼多家庭「大塲面」,我也想總結一下多年的觀察和心得,讓更多人察覺到家庭生活有如DLF「大龍鳯」,管他悲歡離合,恩怨情愁,都是生活不可或缺的。须知地球上每個角落,每時每刻都有不同的家庭進行著不同劇目的DLF。上演不是錯,翻播亦非大問題。但無限重播,無意識地「翻炒」再「翻炒」仍無知覺,毫不反抗,才是問題。

最值得注意的,是每戶都有獨創一格的DLF。類似一幕幕「折子戲」。

當事人可能「當局者迷」,每次家人之間有爭吵,大家傷心過後,不知不覺放下了傷感,無再深思反省。不過,隔了一段時間,類同的爭吵又再「捲土重來」,慣做鬧人的,專「責」鬧人。慣做被批鬥的,次次受批。當事人往往無留意到家中DLF原來時時「翻炒」。

電視節目短時間內「翻炒重播」,隨時惹起觀眾投訴,但DLF密密在家「翻炒」卻少有家庭投訴,可能當局者迷「真係唔覺」。

即使經驗豐富,筆者家中亦有DLF。演得多,其實很傷神,最後得益是誰?勉強說來,可能是精神科醫生的診所得益,唉!何苦呢?(諗深一層,精神科醫生都嫌煩!難怪佢地木口木面,笑唔出。)

所以,家有DLF不足為奇。重要是,事後大家真心反覆玩味,看透續齣DLF的脈絡和佈局,私下願意用心悟一悟彼此的對白有否需要修改,盡可能做些「剪接」。最高境界是簡潔脷落,絶不拖泥帶水,婆婆媽媽。

對,效率第一,命長久。

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Common Barriers in Parenting Gifted ADHD

Last week, I received an IDD call from a family in the States to seek help. Their 20 years old daughter was not going to school for some time missing deadlines for assignment and examination, despite her genuine interest in her film studies in Hong Kong. My hunch, at midnight, was crisis approaching. Whilst my barely awake brain vaguely unfolded an image of a gifted young. Last year, she was referred by me for specialist evaluation of ADHD. Treatment effects in the first few weeks sounded positive and promising. Not long, I didn’t see her again.

Alas. A young adult quitted proper treatment (e.g. medical and behavioral treatment) struggling with her college and social life since mid 2012. Falling short of the treatment regime was not uncommon in similar cases. It’s simply because old behavioral patterns (disorganization, negative self esteem, lack of effective habits and self control etc) stayed unresolved whereas increasing demands (school and social responsibilities) kept overwhelming the affected individuals. No wonder, crisis gained ground inexorably.

I simply felt sad about the stress and burden overloaded the whole family, preventable though.

Similar stories repeated all the time. How long would it take for individuals affected by ADHD to realize the costs of under treatment?

The other day, I set off to where my young client lived to save her mental effort from going all the way to my office at the Central district. She would be retelling a story of her unpleasant experiences (dismissed by the school owing to prolonged absence from classes and exams). Saving her energy is therefore good (meeting at her place). I understand that retelling a sad story is effortful whereas reliving the pain of derailing from a desirable goal of life is but nightmare.

Restoring some orders in the chaos of adverse situations, in this case school crisis, of gifted student is my work. Gifted students, across age levels, who are in need of advocacy for their multiple exceptional needs, often turn out to be great learning experience for all, including their caregivers. There are always chances for breakthroughs. Who knows?

Meetings, one after another, in a week or so, with personnel, faculty, crisis conference and so on emerged to be positive. Rescuing actions had to be timely but successful.

One night, I brought her out for a buffet dinner with her classmate because deep sharing seldom took place in the consultation room. As rule of thumb, good smell and fine food is magic. She seldom resisted food and heart to heart sharing. I enjoyed all topics of our conversation over the dinner table. Her favorite topics covered deep and wide, from great movies as social and moral enterprise to shared knowledge in a global community. Giftedness is stronger than wine when the intellectual charm in her was filled in the air.

Like nutritious food for my brain, her critique of movies appeals to the mind, body and soul of ours.

Seriously, her perceptiveness, passion for movie appreciation, convincing critique were admirable. School failures? Who cares!

Despite the irresistible intellectual charm of this young woman, she was not able to handle most daily life routines and put her thoughts into visible product (e.g. Written assignment, short essays, story writing). What I learnt in my grad school is methodologically sound. Whereas what meant to be meaningful and desirable to my client matters more than the clinical interpretation. I tried very hard to clear up the theoretical and actual mess in real life cases, as such.

Finally, I made a choice. I simply go for the medical model (e.g. ADHD, Performance Anxiety etc etc) and follow the protocol of treatment sequence for appropriate behavioral changes. It is an easy way out, overseeing the symptoms whilst overlooking the person as a unique individual. To quit, or not to quit.

Another viewpoint, I need to hold on to my faith in her and try to understand and help realize her giftedness . Letting go the neurodevelopmental model all together feels like a leap of faith. Wow, it’s hard to cross the great divide. Is it appropriate to forget about the milieu of what an ordinary person should be? Should I simply focus my eyes on realization of her true potentials? Forget about her age, developmental abd social milieu, obstacles inside her brain wirings and beyond?

Fine. In the name of love, I choose to put my faith in her unique giftedness.

I spy with my narrow perspectives to understand individual giftedness in real life situation. After all, it is her life. I choose to embrace giftedness rather than defining it inside the box of performance.

It took 8 days to restore her student status at the college. I believe that she will fall again. Who won’t?