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Easy to miss: Problems of ADHD teatment compliance

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Image source: http://www.wendykeller.com

*MM, a 13 year highly gifted girl at her middle school, was happy with her summer school doing her favorite subject about computer engineering. This is one of the most popular summer school programs for the gifted and talented offered by Johns Hopkins University. This summer, she had a good time learning advanced knowledge and meeting mental peers with comparable abilities.

After the summer program, MM decided that she would not sleep in the class anymore when she returned to Hong Kong. She would rather take the advantage of boring classes, which was too easy for her and lacking any intellectual challenge, to do programming on her laptop.

Last week, she came to see me and looked completely exhausted after school. It is just beginning of the school year. I haven’t ever seen her as tiring as such.

MM comes to see me regularly since treatment of ADHD two years ago. She has some self mentalizing difficulties that it is so hard for her to process feelings and regulate her mood. She was used to getting angry and fighting back whenever she got into social conflicts with her peers.

Over the past year, her parents complaint that MM refused to turn off the computer late at night. She appeared to be increasingly addictive to internet. In the beginning of this summer, she told me that she slept around 6am and woke up around 3pm. Her mother was so fed up with all the fierce but endless quarrels in the middle of the night urging her so badly to go to bed. She thought that her daughter didn’t listen. She just wants to give up. She thought that her husband would be able to coerce MM to turn off the computer and put her to bed, he came home very late though. The mother didn’t want to get involved anymore.

MM told me that the internet game made it possible to escape from thinking about all the unresolved problems. When she turned off the desktop, she would turn on the iPad to watch videos while lying on the bed with her headphone on. It would help her shut off from heated conflicts, if any. Nonetheless, sleep problem is always an issue so disturbing to her. It often takes almost an hour for her to fall asleep. Obviously, she relied so much on watching videos on the iPad to soothe herself.

This afternoon, seeing MM so exhausted and sleepy, I asked her if he took her ADHD medication. She said that she quit medication since end of the summer school. I asked her whether she found anything different after withdrawal from the ADHD medication. She didn’t notice it.

I contacted her mother to cross check the situation. Like MM, she said that she did not notice any difference. She added that MM would make a bit scene when she was asked to stop doing any computer and to go to bed. She didn’t think medical fee for ADHD treatment worth it as far as she didn’t make any improvement regarding her computer behavior.

It is crystal clear that MM would not be able to express her feelings about her school and family. She will likely be inattentive and lack of motivation to do anything mentally effortful.

I ask her if she wants to do programming on her laptop when she gets bored in the class. She yawned and stretched her arms without answering my question. I then repeat that question. I am not sure whether he doesn’t pay attention to my question or it’s too overwhelming to think of school classes without much mentally stimulation to her.

The paradox is concerned with withdrawal from ADHD medication in a way to desensitize her frustration and picking up the treatment for realizing her vocational aspiration of computer programming.

Anyway, very few people will notice the silent suffering that MM is going through. I pray that God will bless her more.

Note*: MM is a pseudo name and modifications are made to formulate this story.

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另覓出路 作者IChan

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Image source: IChan

香港教育政策,不由市民決定。政策改革,期望愈改愈好,情況未見改善,更每況愈下。何解?

朋友聚會,有小朋友的話總會提到課程、功課、活動、考試、升學、……。一位朋友告訴我她的女兒將離開傳統學校,轉讀一所新來港的國際學校。

筆者所知,女孩今年升小五了,在香港教育制度下應該要開始呈報學校成績計分為升中派位,為什麼要在這個時候離開呢?好奇地問下去。

朋友的丈夫眼看教育改革又改革,得到的效果已經不用再説。朋友作為媽媽,早了解女兒不是坐定專心上堂那類學生,有疑必問,溫習分段,興趣多多,要為她選擇一所適合的學校已是件不易事,更何況要派位進心儀的中學最終被收錄?談何容易!

讀者可以説朋友沒有信心及能力,但是,是否單單我那位朋友面對這種問題?

若然是,香港教育又怎會有如此慘況呢?無論大、中、小學,達官貴人有的送子女到海外升學,一部分世襲先收、有的日夜鞭策、有的奇謀妙算贏取各項比賽務求十項全能,甚至尋找冷門運動,但求躋身名校。其餘的,唯有自求多福,派位得中,叩門得應(錄)。

到底,出路何處覓?

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《轉載》母親致兒子:我為何一直以你為驕傲

摘要:【新東方家庭教育微評】 給家長出一道問答題,“孩子最讓您驕傲的事情是什麼?”大部分家長會將答案鎖定在學習成績上,無可否認,這就是我們當下的一種教育存在。在這樣的背景下,本文的主人公似乎顯得有些特別,她是一位細膩而寬容的母親,她快樂著孩子的快樂,難過著孩子的難過,卻沒有迷失在教育的荒野裡,她只是站在孩子的角度上去理解孩子,更多的發現孩子的優點,尊重孩子的興趣所在,在她心中,遠不止一種衡量孩子的尺度。
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孩子,我為你驕傲

母親致兒子:我為何一直以你為驕傲 

孩子,很久以來,我就一直以你為驕傲。

我並不十分在意你的成績在年級的排名。在未來的日子裡,許多的知識會自然的完善,那些無需記得那麼牢固的東西,了解了解就是了,不必為了未來要忘記的東西放棄你當前的快樂與愛好。我翻你的英語書,我就知道你是個很好的孩子了,我一看你記的筆記就知道你上課是如何的專心。這很好,我很滿意。我們偶爾一起記單詞,你的記憶的快速與準確也令我刮目相看——我在你讀小學時還未發現你記憶的天賦呢。真好,隨著年齡的成長,你身上讓我喜悅的東西越來越多。

你那麼快樂的、投入的打籃球,你與籃球一見鐘情,我真高興。偶爾,你中午打球忘記吃飯,我覺得能夠那麼投入那麼熱愛地做一件事情,真好。我與你一樣體會快樂,在你快樂的時候,我也是快樂的,在你沉醉其中時,我也是沉醉的,我知道沉醉於一件健康的運動有多麼好。我真的為你感到驕傲。

你打球可以扣籃了,夠得著籃框了,一只手可以抓住籃球了,你知道你打球的最佳位置應是中鋒,我聽著你取得的進步,我在你的快樂的敘述中開心的笑。孩子,這一切真好。

你還有三十多天就要中考了,我曾經想,是不是可以在這有限的日子裡,把快樂放一放,把愛好放一放,是不是需要在最後時刻拼拼命,畢竟我們讀了三年初中,是到檢驗的時候了。昨天接到電話,說是你打球時手受傷了,一只手腫了,一只手經拍片有點什麼脫離。今天我們去接你回家,你的左手小心托著你的右手,我聽說你昨晚疼得一夜沒有睡好,可是你在車上說:我想打籃球!哈哈哈,我覺得沒有比這更讓我欣慰的了。你一路上講著你的快樂:你的體育得了滿分,你的微機得了滿分,你的化學實驗也僥幸得了滿分。你上課抓得可緊了,一點也沒有松懈。你的同學在你受了傷後,都那麼照顧你,給你買露露喝,給你糖吃……呵呵,孩子,這次受傷我想是為了完美你初中的記憶。你心滿意足地附和道:我想是的。

老師也說,在學習上你根本就不知道著急。為此我曾經皺過眉頭。可是,我現在為你感到驕傲!我覺得你是在健康成長著,我為什麼還要索求那麼多呢?

學習成績僅僅是評定你的一個方面,一個很小很小的方面,你的快樂能力,你的承受困難與挫折的能力,你的與人相處的能力,你的為人著想的能力,你的包容心,同情心,理解他人的能力,你的吃苦能力,對事物的判斷能力,靜思能力,你的處事態度……各種能力多了,如果都要打分,那學習成績才占多小的一個比例呢?所以,我是更全面的衡量著你,我覺得我的確為你感到驕傲。

而且現在學校所學的,就應當是你需要學的嗎?那只是少數人制訂的一個圈子,他們為什麼就可以成為參照呢?是因為他們博學?還是因為他們所處的地位?是因為他們掌握著宇宙的真理?還是因為他們通過編訂教材進一步確定著他們在教育領域的位置?通過編訂教材使他們的腰包充實?學校所開設的課程僅是人類浩瀚文化中的一朵浪花,而這浪花是少數人為我的孩子還有千百萬孩子所定的一個圈子,為什麼我要認為我的孩子在這個小圈子裡適應了就是優秀的呢?當這個圈子越來越窄時,我作為一位愛自己孩子的母親,應當給孩子打開這圈子的籬笆,讓他在一個更寬敞的環境下快樂的生活與學習。

我不為自己的孩子著想嗎?我是在更長遠的為孩子著想。人說:十年河東,十年河西。是說世事易變,人生無常。那麼,我們今天所推崇的升學標准,就業標准,也許僅是一個時代的產物,也許是畸形的產物,我所能給孩子的,就是希望他掌握一個更宏大的標准,更符合宇宙真理的標准,這樣,任時間流逝,才會永遠立於不敗之地,才會活得更好,因為人所有的不順,都是因為逆天而行才產生的。

你從小到大,總是那麼沉穩,對人總是那麼包容。你在五六歲時,一次在矮牆上與小伙伴們一起跑時摔下來了,分明是亞龍推了你一把才導致此的,可我想找亞龍訓斥時,你卻攔著我說:亞龍不是故意的!這樣的事情有過幾次,所以,我常常為著我的孩子驕傲!我所驕傲的標准,從來沒有想要附和別人采用的標准。因為人的標准在不斷變化,而宇宙是有著他恆定不變的標准的,那就是慈善之心、寬容忍耐。

我對孩子的未來有什麼期待呢?我只是希望他不去過大富大貴的生活,因為人在富足的生活裡尤其容易迷失自己。我的周圍有許多窮人,牛兒奶奶,七十多歲了,還要勞作,血壓那麼高也舍不得到醫院看病;還有那個九十多歲的老奶奶,總是拾柴禾;還有鄰居兵海家,孩子好幾個,能吃上什麼好東西呢?還有福辰,他家的孩子也是多麼的可憐啊;亞龍才十七歲就開始給人打工賣苦力掙錢了……孩子,如果有哪一天你很有錢了,想想他們,要付出多少辛苦才可以得到一點物質的喜悅呢?所以穿名牌,我覺得是會感到難過的,想到這些窮人,是想落淚的。一個人富足的時候,也永遠要想著,還有很多的可憐的人,不管時代發展到什麼時候,這一點是不會變的。所以,永遠不要鋪張與奢侈,當與別人共享財富時,那才是真正的快樂,當把錢財看得淡而又淡時,才會有真正的快樂與輕松。孩子,我看見你嚴肅的點頭附和著我的想法,我感動得想要落淚。作為愛你的母親,我能給你什麼呢?我希望給予你更長遠的幸福,而不僅僅是一時一世啊。

先到此吧,我要讀會兒書。一個人可以沒有學歷,但不可以不讀書。

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Source: www.wtoutiao.com , jia.tizi.com

原文來自:http://jtjy.xdf.cn/201310/9706425.html

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《轉載》媽媽請等等我『一個3歲孩子的心聲』

這是一個正在上幼兒園小班的孩子的母親,熬過大腹便便的孕期,熬過了尿布與奶瓶亂飛的嬰兒期,她發現自己的耐心隨著孩子的成長正在漸漸減少,看著這個已經會跑會跳會應答的小孩子,一不小心就迷失在周圍教人如何訓練孩子,管教孩子,準備孩子的智力體能發展的訊息海洋,在聲聲催促中,往往忘記了孩子心靈的成長並不一定同步於生理的 成長,忘記了停下來,仔細傾聽孩子真正的心聲。

特作此文,以提醒自己尊重孩子自己的成長節奏,陪著他慢慢經歷他必須經歷的蛻變。

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來自:妈妈请等等我(一个3岁孩子的心声)看完很感触!
簡轉繁:Scarlett – www.gifted.hk

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廢寢忘餐。by IChan

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香港的主流教育趨勢,真的教人頭痛。有時家長的做法,更是嚇壞人。

「廢寢忘餐」形容勤奮用功的情況,原來在今天不但適用於形容打工一族,還可用於「小學生」。

朋友曾經參加一個小學生健康生活-飲食篇的講座,教授如何飲食平衡、食得健康及注意事項;家長們都舉起手機不停地拍攝屏幕上的演講內容,看得到他們都很關心小朋友的健康。

結尾時的答問環節,有一條提問令朋友印象深刻。太太問:「因為太忙,所以晚上大約六時吃蔬果。小朋友足夠營養嗎?」身為營養師兼家長的講者問道:「你們還會吃晚飯嘛!沒有問題。」太太嚷着:「晚飯就是六時。」講者回應:「吃過蔬果再吃飯也可。」太太澄清問題:「因一家太忙碌了,所以晚上六時只吃蔬果,這就是晚飯了。」講者一再問道:「沒有粉、麪、飯、肉或魚嗎?」「沒有了!」「一家吃素的嗎?」「不是!」營養師理所當然答道:「絶對營養不足夠的,更何況小學階段的小朋友最需要營養的呢!」

朋友聽得愕然,知道有些小朋友功課加活動,忙得只有十五分鐘吃飯,但是由於不夠時間甚至忙碌得連吃飯也省掉,就是首次親耳聽到。功課、活動真的忙碌到此?重要到逼個地步嗎?

筆者抱着一個信念:功課做不完,課本未及溫習,樂器未夠時間練習……怎樣都重要不過一頓包含有菜、有肉、有粉/麪/飯的正常晚飯吧!當然晚飯後可以吃㸃生果或甜品就更加完美了。

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What a Metaphor, What a Compliment! 受竉若驚

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Yesterday, I met a client who was very reflective and able to describe his feelings and thought in concrete terms. His expression often surprises me. 昨天我見過一個愛深思和自省的人,他有種特別天賦能具體表達自己的思想和感情。他説的話有時是我意料之外

Counselor: I am very impressed by your quest for meaning and your desire for personal growth.
輔導員:你尋找生命意義和渴求個人成長的熱誠令我感動。

Client: I am a loner. People don’t really understand me.
案主A: 我是個孤獨者。別人不真正了解我。

Counselor: I thought your reflective personality would bring you and your friends true encounter.
輔導員:我相信你這麼有深度的性格特質,會為你帶來朋友和珍摰的交流。

Client: No.
案主A:無。

Counselor: Why?
輔導員:何解?

Client: Not me. It’s because your talented ability to connect with people has made our encounter. You know….. you are a universal power adaptor.
案主A:不在我。是你溝通的天賦令人表現真我,也促成了我們深入的交流。可知道⋯⋯你是個「萬能蘇頭」。

Counselor Jo: What a metaphor! What a compliment!
輔導員:受𠖥若驚!