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Communication matters


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For the sake of family unity, we try to communicate our expectation and needs. The endpoint is understanding differences and reaching a resolution most acceptable to all.  If, as family member, we don’t pay our effort to communicate and negotiate, how can we come to a win-win situation in the family?  I think this is family education important to share with young people on the high functioning autism spectrum.  

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ABLES 

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ABLES 指Ability-based Learning and Excellence Search 即以才能為本發掘個别優勢的學習之旅。我們為一羣社交上遇上一些挑戰的年青人而設計的十節課程,他們有其獨特的才能和志趣,這個課程就是為加深了解他們每一個人,欣賞每一個的特㸃和強項。

過去一個星期,為了籌劃ABLES,籌備小組開會、草擬教案、設計工作紙、修訂内容、分工合作、整理結果……一歩一步試圖建構彼此内心溝通的橋樑。

縱然完全没有把握做好ABLES使参與的青年們得益,但也要歇盡所能去做,因為面對這羣天主寵愛的青年,我們有如服侍主基督,直到身心能量都耗盡,我靈才能止息,我心才囬復平靜。

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Pope Francis’ Message about Family

  Pope Francis’s Message about the Family

“There is no perfect family. We have no perfect parents, we are not perfect, do not get married to a perfect 

person, neither do we have perfect children.

We have complaints about each other. We are disappointed by one another. Therefore, there is no healthy 

marriage or healthy family without the exercise of forgiveness.

Forgiveness is vital to our emotional health and spiritual survival. Without forgiveness the family becomes a 

theater of conflict and a bastion of grievances. Without forgiveness the family becomes sick.

Forgiveness is the sterilization of the soul, cleansing the mind and the liberation of the heart.

Anyone who does not forgive has no peace of soul and communion with God. Pain is a poison that 

intoxicates and kills. Maintaining a wound of the heart is a self-destructive action. It is an autophagy.

He who does not forgive sickens physically, emotionally and spiritually. That is why the family must be a 

place of life and not of death; an enclave of cure not of disease; a stage of forgiveness and not of guilt.

Forgiveness brings joy where sorrow produced pain; and healing, where pain caused disease.”

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Social Quota

  
Image source: sugarzen.wordpress.com

“Social quota” refers to the amount of energy one affords in dealing with social interaction.  To what extent is social interaction enjoyable? Actually it varies with your personality characteristics, mood and settings.  For individuals with Aspergers or high functioning autism, interaction with people can drain their energy dramatically especially in topics not exactly of their genuine interests.  It is, therefore, good to be aware of the variations of “social quota” of oneself before stretching too thin.  For example, I was going out for a movie last night with 10 people.  We had dinner and then movie.  I found staying over for a chat after the movie a bit over my “social quota”.  In order to maintain my emotion balance, I preferred going home to staying over after the movie.  Self understanding and emotion wellbeing matters.

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由愛情經驗出發:亞氏保加大學生的成長與生活輔導 作者KC

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老師:我知道你剛開展了亞氏保加大學生的服務計劃。而主題是由”愛情”入手,可否形容一下?

K: “從愛情方面入手” 只是我現時對亞氏保加大學生身心健康發展指導的其中一部分。

由於我在大學主修心理學,並有一個相識多時而大家感情發展穩定的女朋友,過著數年 「長期分隔異地的戀情」, 彼此都還能保持感情愉快。這樣背景造就了我擔任朋輩之間關系與溝通 (包括友情,或男女感情) 的調解與輔導者,一些朋友或舊同學往往”看中”我的心理學背景加上這些調解紛爭的經驗會找我幫助。值得一提的是,我發現有些朋輩之間的”感情糾紛”正正就是建基於其中一方 (甚至雙方) 帶有亞氏保加症的特質,他們情感/溝通上的缺陷往往在深層次交往上 (例如大學生活的舍堂關系、兄弟決裂、情侶不和等)顯露出來,漸漸引發至一連串的感情與友情疑惑。而我以朋輩的身份耹聽和調解這種糾紛,一方面減少代溝的出現,同時我的個人經驗與心理學專業知識亦有助我協調制造出一個有效、雙贏的局面。

老師:這確是一項重要的服務計劃啊!那麼除了朋輩之間的 “衝突調解員” 之外,你還可能怎樣幫助他們?

K:俗語有云:因誤會而結合,因了解而分開。很多時候,朋輩的衝突、糾紛只是一個問題的開端,我當然不能排除好些問題是單純出於彼此之間性格不合、價值觀不相同而產生。但每當這些問題剛好是源於一方/雙方之間的亞氏保加特質而起,我所擔當的任務就不再限於解決當前這朋友/情侶間的紛爭,而是長遠的身心與個人發展上的生活輔導,從旁尋找問題的癥結所在,慢慢重建他們的溝通能力、人際關系技巧,令他們的生活重回正軌。最後,不只是幫他們挽回差點爆發的愛情危機,往往亦能預防友情以至工作間人際關系的衝突。

老師:你的服務計劃涉及個人多方面的成長與發展,很有意義。你有什麼發展策略?

其實早在我大學生堐期間已經開始我作為輔導者的角色,在朋輩間至今已處理過幾次源於亞氏保加特質而起的衝突、糾紛。而我尚淺的年齡正好為我提供了莫大的優勢,能夠變成一位亦師亦友的角色,使我能夠準確地提供適合於他們這種年齡層的溝通、行為意見,符合這年齡層的生活方式與價值觀。

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Go beyond the limit

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Image source: funny-pictures.picphotos.net

Humans tend to limit their thoughts, feelings and assumptions by anxiety and fear of loss control. Being aware of the limited vision and open to the abundance of being, we shall be able to see the light and feel the wonder of life.

It is all reachable. Why don’t we drink in the true joy here and now?