0

大學開課先修:「求助」祕方

IMG_3966.JPG
Image source: http://www.autism-community.com

據有關求助行為(Self-regulated help seeking behavior,Karabenick, 2003)的研究結果,我們發現「求助」行為牽涉連串步驟,雖然這些步驟未必需要順序執行。但總的來説,執行「求助」的過程原來涉及思考、情感調控、社交應對和客觀處境(例如是否友善和安全等等)。求助者需要考量以下的步驟:

(1)能判別到底是否有問題,若不覺得有問題,當然不會思考解決方法,(2)若察覺問題存在,還需決定是否想求助?(3)是否清晰自己需要什麼幫忙?(4)找誰求助?(5)定下求助的目標。(6)怎樣把問題凖確地表達出來?(7)取得别人的幫助吸收意見,尋求改良辦法。(8)整理所得的支援,切實執行直至問題得到解决。

有些人在成長過程中不知不覺學懂了以上步驟,他們沒需要有意識地思考,他們自然而然地掌握了如何「求助」。

不過硏究亦顯示有些大學生在社交和情緒發展不太成熟,他們往往遇到困難時不懂求助。所以大學校園即使能提供學生支援服務也不足夠。一旦部分有需要的學生不懂得「求助」的技能,那麼,大學學生支援服務工作者乾坐在辦公室等有需要的學生來求助,實際效果不大。他們不如主動出擊,及早提在校園推廣「求助技能」的認知和實踐訓練。特別是每個學期開課第一、二周及考試前後,相信這種安排能幫到更多有需要的學生。

筆者確有兩個大學生個案,她們都有遲交功課的問題,令她們每個學期末都被教授追收功課或被校方警告,簡直「險象橫生」。她們的共通處是專注力失調和自我中心,只把焦㸃放在怎樣把功課做得更完美,從不想到遲交是犯規行為,無任何理由「閉門造車」。說實話,功課上有疑難應及早找其他人(包括教授)商量,尋求解决方法。可惜,她們沒有在意自己的行為犯了規,一次又一次用自己的角度和要求來解决功課上的問題,結果不斷重犯同様錯誤。即使學期開始已提醒她們要留意自己的問題,在適當時候及早求助,但她們最後依然故我,經常引至情绪困擾。當然家庭因素亦有關係,當父母遇上問題便互相責難和訴之於發洩情绪,孩子遇上困難寧願單獨處理免得父母吵鬧,所以自少已不習慣提出要求或尋求協助。原來「求助」的行為涉及很多因素例如性格、期望、對規則的理解、父母的行為和取向等等。

看來整個「求助」過程中,當事人必須有相當專注力、自省和耐性,决一不可!幫自己也是一種學問。而人生本來就是一個學習旅程。每個人都可以設計自己的旅程。最重要是快樂而無悔。

0

I Can Hear You Cry: Major Decisions & Turning Points

IMG_3791.JPG
Image source: http://www.thegospelcoalition.org

My friend, I know it’s painful. We are borne with brokenness. It is never the end.

Major decisions in life including starting a new job/relationship and divorce, can be turning point of life. Instead of taking these decisions as solution, the key to fullness of life depends on self questioning what destiny you are and how you want to be growing to the full of your talent or gifts of life.

At the end of the day, decisions are never solutions. We are holding the key to fullness of life when we are emotionally responsible and faithful to our quest for fulfillment. It takes time and courage to discover the meaning of suffering and our true potentials. No simple answers, no simple decision, no ultimate solution. Let’s make every moment a turning point. After all, true friendship is most healing. Let’s be sure our mind companion growing with us for better for worse.

Dear friends, you don’t fall. Stand up when you are facing all the adverse situations in the course of life. Your journey is not alone! Mind companion is here. And will always be.

0

Supermind Super Slow: Why?

Studies show the cognitive profile of students with Asperger Syndrome characteristic of slow processing when comparing with IQ matched neurotypicals. In my own experience, I recognize how my students have been struggling with slow processing issues.

One of the students that I meet once a week, is complaint by her parents and elder sister about her slowness. Conflicts often arise when they are going out together. She is late for classes, appointments with mental health professionals, friends, assignment, tests and so on.

Over time, she discovers that she is serious about her assignment and other commitments. Every time she misses the deadline, she will blame herself and try to figure out what else she should do better. An example is missing the deadline of an assignment that she is used to paying extra effort in order to outperform. Once her mind engaged with some unfinished businesses, her mental energy becomes overloaded and unable to maintain her focus on everyday performance.

As she finds it hard to communicate her thoughts and feelings, it becomes a vicious cycle that she misses more and more things and processes things even slower than before.

Honestly, it is so important to help these students identify various factors underlying the slow processing. Before recognizing the behavioral pattern of low productivity, factors maintaining slow processing of highly able Asperger students must be reviewed.

Those in transition to college are vulnerable. Therefore timely support to prevent academic and social underachievement is badly needed.

0

13歳升讀海外大學 作者賀若瑩

IMG_3716.JPG
Image source: http://www.riosalado.edu

上星期,十三歲的MM告訴我將在今年九月到海外升讀大學。我相信她的生活將變得新奇有趣和充滿挑戰性。那種感覺可能似走進了一個迷宮。

我祝願她事事順利。但我知道MM除了學術上面臨挑戰之外,她更要面對社交和情緖方面的挑戰。

例如,MM要學會適應大學生的社交生活模式。在閞展大學的社交圈子過程中,MM首先要瞭解一些潛在社交規則,亦即如何先與人溝通然後續步融入別人的圈子。這與中學的處境有别,大學生的年齡和社會經驗的差異比較大,沒有特定的模式來爭取同學認同,亦因此而加深了人際間的距離感,尤其在海外升學的「相對幼齡」資優學生,對校園及人際關係的歸屬感不易建立。另一方面又得在適當時候依靠别人提供資料或交流經驗。有時候更要學識多種獨立技能(例如飲食、洗衣服、衞生自理、依循課堂及自修時間表、出入安全、理財等等);有時要懂得向人求助,有時卻要慷慨向有需要的伙伴伸出援手,另外記住往大學的學習支援中心使用有關的服務,擴濶個人的支援網絡。尤其需要懂得與人互動,彼此拉近距離之餘又要學識保障自己身心安全。協商技巧亦很派用塲。所以大學生活成功袐訣絶對有别於中學校園的要求。大學新生要定期参與多一些學會活動擴展社交技能。

在個人方面,要懂得分配時間,以保持工作與娛樂的平衡,尤其照顧自己飲食健康、衣食住行等。另外在學業的壓力下,管理自己的情緒更不能忽視的。

對於僅十三歲的MM,這看似要面對艱辛的考驗,靠一己之力争取佳績絶對並非適應大學生活之道。但我相信MM最終會成功學到一籃子的大學生活適應技能。

更重要的是,我希望該大學能重視這個提前接受大學教育的特別個案,提供一種較完善配套以支援MM的個別需要,關鍵在於個別化支援方案,助她續步增社交情绪上和自理的技能,令她建立解難能力和自信。